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Ballroom Dance Resource - Articles on Dancing A great article by Chris Pilarchik - how to practice without killing each other!~ by Christopher Pilarchik www.ballroombliss.com Hints for Couples AKA: Tips on How to Enhance and Enjoy Learning Without Killing Each Other By Christopher Pilarchik www.ballroombliss.com After 12 years of teaching, I can assure you that teaching couples is very different compared to teaching individuals. Often in teaching couples, an instructor feels that he or she needs a referee shirt and whistle (and sometimes a police officer) to keep couples from fighting, and that's not to mention what happens privately. Couples face numerous circumstances that can make learning very frustrating, ruin the enjoyment of dancing period let alone dancing together, and even cause great strain on the relationship. Fortunately, it doesn't have to be this way. Yours truly, Christopher Pilarchik, BSDD (ballroom sage to the dancingly distressed) is here to help make your learning more productive and enjoyable both for yourselves and for your instructor, while helping you enjoy this wonderful hobby together. Just follow these basic rules below and you'll be able to truly experience Ballroom Bliss! The first 2 tips deal with issues that arise from one partner learning more quickly or picking up faster than the other. The rest involve suggestions to speed up your progress in making you the dancers you want to be. Enjoy and good luck. 1. DO NOT TEACH! Often, one partner picks up much faster than the other. It's very easy and natural for the more advanced partner to want to help their partner and offer advice on how to do whatever the instructor is teaching. Don't do it! Often (actually almost all the time) your partner will greatly resent this. Most couples view themselves as equals, and they quite like this status. When one person tries to teach, it throws their view of the balance in the relationship, causing a defensive reaction rather that the positive effect expected. This is a proven fact in psychology, it called rationalization. Look it up if you don't believe me. You have paid or are paying good money for an instructor to teach you, get your money's worth! Remember, they are well trained in how to instruct, you are not. Regardless of how good your intention, ability or well you think you know what you're teaching, you are definitely not going to help things, you'll only ruin a potentially great sharing experience together. You also could be teaching something that is or can develop into a bad habit, making your progress slower as it is very difficult to undo bad habits as opposed to learning them right in the first place, which is an area where you instructor is an expert. 2. Patience, Patience, Patience. (Do Not Criticize!) For the same reason above, often one partner loses his/her patience with their partner for not learning or progressing as quickly and they feel "held back" from what they are capable of. I list suggestions 4 and 5 to resolve this issue. This impatience can have several seriously adverse effects. It's hard to hide impatience and very easy for others to pick up. This puts great pressure on your partner and sometimes even on your instructor, as it's difficult to teach or learn under that circumstance. Second, it often causes the more advanced partner to be short, condescending or even cross with their partner. This can put serious strains not only on the learning and enjoyment, but often carries over into other areas of the relationship. When your patience is short with your partner, remember that (hopefully) this is someone you care a great deal for and that in your heart you do not want to hurt them or your relationship, as your goal together is to strengthen your relationship, not make it a win/lose situation. There are no winners in a relationship when one criticizes. 3. Attend Group Lessons and Parties. I highly suggest this regardless of whether both partners are of equal ability or one is picking up faster and/or you only want to dance with each other (for several reasons). Regardless of how well you know a pattern, if you do not lead or follow well, then knowing a step won't help. It also makes things difficult on your partner. Not to sound chauvinistic but I've met few women dancers who didn't feel "If the man is a good lead I can follow". Sadly, this is rarely the case. You may think you follow well but if that's your attitude, the odds are you really don't and men are just polite about it. The truth is that following is an art, even the best of leads cannot get you through all steps with all partners (just ask any professional dancer). When you can do that, you can follow well. Dancing with different partners at different levels does 3 things: 1. Quickly increases your ability to lead/follow. 2. Allows a faster learning partner to dance w/ more advanced dancers helping them dance to their full potential. 3. Introduces you and your partner to new people and circles opening up many dance opportunities for both you and your partner. Please don't underestimate the usefulness of group lessons and parties, it can make more difference than I can possibly explain. 4. Occasionally Take Separate Lessons From Your Partner. 3 main reasons but many other side benefits. One is that it gives the slower partner more time (with less pressure and criticism) to work on both patterns and lead/follow, expediting (speeding) their progress, thus the advanced partner is happier when you are back dancing together. Second, it allows the faster partner to dance more advanced patterns and techniques, thus dancing more to their potential. Thirdly, it allows the instructor more time to work on styling, which most women want desperately but don't get the opportunity as there isn't enough time in the lesson when you work together w/ your partner. This tip in itself is probably the greatest way to overcome differences in dance levels or the ability to pick up. If you doubt the truth in this, try it just once. I'd bet you'll see the benefits within the first 10 minutes of the lesson (if not sooner). |
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